In many South African families, parenting is not done by two people alone. A grandmother collects the children from school every afternoon. An aunt helps with homework. A grandfather pays the school fees. When parents separate, these arrangements often continue, and sometimes they become the glue that holds the week together.
Yet most parenting plans speak only about the parents. This article explains when it is useful to record the role of grandparents and other relatives, the difference between that practical role and legal rights, and when a family member may need to approach a court.
Extended family often carries the daily load
Working parents frequently rely on a support structure: grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles, and close friends. After separation, that support usually becomes more important, not less. One household may depend on a grandparent for after-school care. Another may rely on a relative to manage handovers between homes.
When these arrangements are understood by everyone and recorded clearly, they give children consistency. When they are left unspoken, they become a source of misunderstanding: who may collect the child, who decides about an extramural activity, and what happens during the school holidays.
No automatic parental rights
A common misconception is that grandparents hold rights over their grandchildren simply because they are grandparents. Under the Children’s Act 38 of 2005, parental responsibilities and rights are acquired in specific ways. A family relationship on its own is not one of them.
The opposite misconception also arises. Some parents assume that grandparents have an automatic duty towards the child and use that assumption as leverage when a grandparent wants to visit. Neither belief is a sound basis for a child-centred arrangement.
Practical involvement versus legal status
It helps to separate three different things.
| What it is | How it arises | What it means |
|---|---|---|
| A practical role recorded in the parenting plan | The parents agree and record it | The relative helps; the parents keep their responsibilities and rights |
| Contact or care | A court order under section 23 of the Children’s Act | The relative has a court-ordered right of contact or care |
| Guardianship | A court order under section 24 of the Children’s Act | The relative becomes a guardian, which requires reasons why the existing guardian is not suitable |
In some circumstances, a parent and another person who has an interest in the child may also conclude a formal parental responsibilities and rights agreement under section 22 of the Act. Such an agreement takes effect only once it is registered with the Family Advocate or made an order of court. Whether that route is suitable is a question for legal advice.
Guardianship, which covers decisions such as consent to a passport, travel out of the country or the sale of a child’s property, cannot be changed by a parenting plan at all. It moves to a relative only through a court or by appointment in a parent’s will.
When parents may record a relative’s role
Parents are free to agree on how their support structure will help, and to record it in their parenting plan. It is especially useful when:
- a grandparent or relative provides regular care, for example while the parents are at work;
- a relative regularly handles transport to and from school or between homes;
- a relative contributes to specific costs, such as school fees or transport; or
- the parents find direct communication difficult and agree that arrangements will be relayed through a named relative.
Recording these arrangements does not give the relative parental responsibilities and rights. It simply makes the family’s existing practice visible and predictable.
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Need help recording a grandparent’s role in your parenting plan?
What to record when a relative helps regularly
A short, specific clause prevents most later disputes. Parents should consider recording:
- the days and times the relative provides care, in term time and in the school holidays;
- who drops the child off and who collects the child, and from where;
- that the relative may collect the child from school, and any written authority the school requires;
- what the relative may decide day to day (homework, meals, screen time) and what remains a parental decision;
- what happens in an emergency, and who must be contacted first;
- any financial contribution the relative has agreed to make;
- what happens if the relative is ill, away or no longer able to help; and
- when the arrangement will be reviewed.
Keep money and contact separate. Contact and maintenance are different legal questions. A grandparent who pays school fees does not thereby acquire a right to contact, and a grandparent who is refused contact is not released from any legal duty of support. Where a relative contributes voluntarily, record the contribution, whether it is voluntary, how long it applies and what happens if it stops, and keep it apart from any contact arrangement. Linking money and contact, in either direction, invites dispute.
Contact and care under section 23
Sometimes a relative wants contact or care that the parents do not agree to. Section 23 of the Children’s Act allows any person with an interest in the care, well-being or development of a child to apply to the High Court, a divorce court in divorce matters, or the children’s court for contact with or care of the child.
The court decides according to the child’s best interests, looking at the relationship between the applicant and the child, the commitment the applicant has shown and any contribution towards the child’s expenses. A grandparent does not have to prove that the parents are unfit, but a real and consistent presence in the child’s life carries weight. An order for contact or care does not take away the parental responsibilities and rights that the parents already hold.
In practice: Chelsea Le Roux on extended family in mediation
Chelsea Le Roux assists with family and civil mediations at MV Inc. She sees extended family arrangements raised often, and she finds that recording a relative’s role is most useful in two situations: where the parents have asked a grandparent to help with daily care or transport, and where communication between the parents has broken down.
“When parents do not communicate with each other, they often nominate the grandparents as the point of contact and communication. This can be stated in the parenting plan.”
Chelsea Le Roux
Her advice on recording is practical:
“It should be set out expressly in the parenting plan when grandparents assist. This ensures that there is no confusion later on regarding the responsibilities of parents and assistance provided by grandparents.”
Chelsea Le Roux
And her single principle for parents:
“They cannot give those powers to the extended family. They are responsible for their children and are the holders of parental responsibilities and rights. Extended family can assist as support structures … but unless a court order states otherwise, the final responsibilities and decision-making powers lie with the parents.”
Chelsea Le Roux
Red flags, and keeping the focus on the child
Including a relative is not always helpful. Chelsea watches for these warning signs:
- the relatives and the other parent do not get along;
- grandparents arrive at mediation or court with the wider family as “back-up”;
- the mention of the grandparents prompts one parent to raise the family’s history; and
- the parties describe past conflict with the family.
Where these signs are present, a relative’s involvement may need careful boundaries, a narrower role, or a separate conversation, rather than a central place in the plan.
Discussions about extended family can quickly turn to old grievances between adults. Chelsea’s approach is to bring the conversation back to the child: mediation is future-focused, and its purpose is an arrangement that supports the child’s safety and consistency as the child grows. The question is not who has been wronged, but what helps this child.
A composite example
In one composite illustration drawn from Chelsea’s experience, both parents work full-time. They agree that the father’s mother will look after their child during the working day. The parent who has the child at the time drops the child off at school, or at the grandmother’s home, depending on the child’s age. The grandmother collects the child from school, supervises extramural activities and helps with homework if needed. The parent who has care that day collects the child from the grandmother’s home after work, Monday to Friday. In the school holidays, the child is dropped at the grandmother’s home in the morning and collected after work.
Recorded in this way, everyone knows what to expect. The grandmother’s role is clear, and the parents’ responsibilities remain where the law places them.
Certain facts have been changed or combined to protect confidentiality. The illustration reflects recurring professional experience and is not a report of an identifiable matter.
When mediation should pause
A mediator may stop a session, or end the mediation, if a party appears to be in danger, so that independent assistance or safeguarding can be obtained. Chelsea also notes that a mediator may ask for a co-mediator or further support where a matter calls for it, and that matters with significant legal complexity, such as those involving companies or trusts, may need independent legal advice alongside the mediation.
Frequently asked questions
Do grandparents have automatic rights to see their grandchildren?
No. The family relationship alone does not create parental responsibilities and rights. A grandparent who has an interest in the child’s care, well-being or development may apply to court for contact or care under section 23 of the Children’s Act.
Can we name a grandparent in our parenting plan?
Yes. Parents can record a relative’s practical role, such as after-school care, transport or a financial contribution. Financial or other agreed obligations should be carefully recorded to make provision for the applicable consent. Doing so does not transfer parental responsibilities and rights.
Can a parenting plan make a grandparent a guardian?
No. A parenting plan cannot transfer guardianship. A relative can become a guardian only through a court, for example under section 24 of the Children’s Act, or by appointment in a parent’s will.
What if the relatives do not get on with the other parent?
Then their role may need to be narrower or carefully structured. A mediator can help the parents decide what involvement genuinely serves the child.
A clear place for the people who help
Grandparents, aunts and other caregivers often make co-parenting possible. A parenting plan that records their role clearly, while keeping parental responsibilities and rights where the law places them, gives children stability and gives adults certainty.
MV Inc. helps families document workable, child-centred arrangements. For guidance on the wider framework, read our guide to parenting plans in South Africa, or request a confidential consultation about our family mediation services. Where a plan is in place but difficult to implement, parenting coordination may help.
About the author
Chelsea Le Roux
Chelsea Le Roux is a junior associate and junior mediator at MV Inc. She was admitted as an attorney in 2025, holds an LLB from North-West University, and is a NABFAM-accredited family and divorce mediator and a member of the South African Association of Mediators (SAAM). She assists with family and civil mediations, including co-parenting and parenting plan matters.
This article is general information about parenting plans and the role of extended family in South Africa and is not legal advice. The composite example has been changed to protect confidentiality and does not predict the outcome of any particular matter. Legislation and case law develop over time, so you should obtain advice on your own matter and confirm the current position before acting.
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